Thursday, July 28, 2011
Had not being blogging for sometimes. Thinking that I am able to get over all the set back I had in the month of June. But I am wrong.
Friends around me tot I gotten back my normal life. Happy with what I have, happy with what I am doing now, bowling scores are back. However all these are fake. Real fake. I also do not know how I manage to stay happy even thou in my mind I am not.
In my mind I am lose, I lose my sense of direction, I am just entering into any hole I see but do not have any idea why I enter. I had no one to talk to like in the past. No one to hear me like in the past. I dare not approach my friends as all were attach with their other half. So I am all alone to face all these thing all by myself.
You may think I am inmature, if I continue like this Wat about the future. But do you know without you I really can't move on anymore. I try to make myself busy. Working on my wedding planner, working on my join business, looking for jobs. Yes all these are future income. But my supporting backbone is gone. You may think I am no an independent person. Is not I am not independent but I need someone to be by my side.
Seeing others with there bf or gf happily together, some are even getting married made me think of the days we were together. You talking to me about your work plus your sch while I talk about my sch and the things we did. Going out together, sitting at the top of vivio talking. Enjoy those meals we had together, coming over to my house to study. Waiting for you at the bud stop. I can't find all these things now. I just can lock myself at home when I am not at the fair. Staring in the blank air watching naruto but no words enter into me. Doing things on my laptop which should be my joint business work but I only manage to have a clear mind for awhile.
I really wish you could return back to me soon. When you once told me you will give me a chance but give you sometime to cool down. I was so happy. I had been waiting for you everyday to give me the chance. I know I did somethings that hurts you and hurts that I cause you is also the hurt I have in me. I know many mistakes long ago and wanna to repay what I had done. I wish we can start all over. I have suffer alot and enough and I don't know how long I can hold on even thou I seem okie in front of everyone now but nobody know how I am feeling and what's my feeling. Only you know me well.
Please come back to me. I really miss you dear. :( :(
Signing off
Larry
1:44 PM
